Reliability – Trait

       We come in contact with people around in our society. Among them we develop intimacy with some, remain reserved with some, dislike some, and try to keep ourselves aloof from them. These attributes are the reflexes of our mind. More often, certain traits are developed under duress, for instance, socializing among employees and co-workers is desired, to maintain affable atmosphere in any work place whether one likes it or not. What happens in such cases? Mind develops stress, resulting in imbuing artificial traits. 

This is an unsolicited situation, makes individual sick, and causes in developing more negative traits, there by one loses ones prominence and gradually ones positiveness dwindles and often become alone (rejected) in the society. One cannot continue to live in such situations, after all any indidividual in the society is a social animal and wish to live in the group. What is the solution to avoid this conflict in mind? Cheering up and train the mind to accept the positive behavior. Mediation is one possible answer to it. 

I wish to quote an example from my college days to perceive it with clarity. We, five of us, being day scholars, used to go to our college together in the morning and return together to our homes in the evening. All of us not alike in demeanor and had different traits. We had scholarships of merit, disbursed on different heads, which were paid at different months of the academic year. We all had a condition that Scholarship receiver should give a party (a sweet with something to munch with a cup of coffee), to the rest of four after receipt of the amount. Four of us got the scholarships for all the years of study in the college except one, who got it in the final year.

Complying with the condition agreed, all four of us used to give a party to the rest of our friends as and when the amount of scholarship is received. Among us the one who was qualified for scholarship in the final year, used to behave in a funny manner during the party. After the end of the party, at the time of paying the bill, he pretends that he would pay the bill. He used to keep his hand in his pocket and pretends to take money out of it. In the meanwhile the host pays the bill at the counter. He used to say every time, “You have not allowed me to pay” with a tone of annoyance. In the final year when he was qualified for a scholarship, he declared that he will give a grand party that all of us would never forget for the rest of the life. Of course, till date we had not attended any. 

    After observing it for repeated occasions, I decided to make him aware that this kind of act would make him unfamiliar when he settles in his life and he would become an acquaintance but not a friend to any in future. I had requested remaining three members of our group to join me to make him aware. Accordingly, I had arranged a party for all of us. In the usual way, at the end of the party, he put his hand in the pocket and said that he would clear the bill. I said alright and moved away from the paying counter. With all reluctance appearing on his face, he cleared the bill.

After sometime later, he met me alone and said that I had purposely made him to pay. I explained him that the closeness what we develop among friends during college days can never be experienced as we settle in life. So, one should remain as a true friend and not an acquaintance to get oneself accepted by society. He confessed to me and we all remained as close friends even on date.

KASTURI SUBBARAO, Hyd, India